As the exchange of grief and how to handle this emotion broadens, a clearer understanding of its significance has found its place in your mind. As I see it now, due to an intense collection of concepts and or theories, it leads me to believe that grief, as it relates to the loss of a loved one, comes from a keener sense of self to start from the beginning. The beginning would be your birth when you enter this world naked, bound by nothing, plagued by nothing, and tainted by nothing. We arrive in this world pure in body and spirit as we begin our lives being loved and cared for by another. So, as we come to this newborn identity, we grow into stages of human development and become flawed and imperfect beings. We are subjected to a world that is equally flawed and corrupt. We must now find a way to navigate this chaos and deceit. The experiences we become exposed to translate to what we choose to believe and what habits we formulate based on those beliefs.
As we mature into seasoned human beings, our characters are shaped and become an integral part of our identity. What we tend to nurture slowly becomes who others see as they form certain opinions about who we are in the current time. When we experience the loss of a loved one, what we mourn is the body not left behind that we will no longer see. The ability to see, feel, and listen to this person has left you, and handling that is extremely difficult. Once you can look beyond the physical and embrace the spiritual, what that person left behind is the lesson that must be adopted to ensure your release in life. Eventually, we can see our loss as an appreciation for the end of pain and suffering, as well as the relief from illness and neglect. In that case, that loss becomes our redemption to know that the loss of a loved one no longer has to suffer the intrinsic pitfalls left behind for us to navigate for our well-being. Those who leave us too early are rarely an acceptable life occurrence. No one is ever ready to lose a parent, husband, wife, close friend, or any family member who represents so much. As a result, we become unprepared for the obvious outcome of living out the rest of our lives when the end of that living steps to our doorstep.
So, allow me to break this article down more! Many things can enter our minds when we lose someone close to us, like things we should have done and didn’t do to spend more quality time with that person, and now that they’re gone, a resolution can never be met. Having regrets can be a ‘mind twister’ that causes us to doubt our ‘character legitimacy.’ As the picture illustrates, these ‘thought demons’ are instrumental to our neglect of ourselves, where anger, depression, and anxiety become proprietary and express our true intent. On the other hand, if none of that exists, the path you chose to be a part of that person’s life resonates the most.
Acknowledge Your Feelings: Allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions that come with grief. It’s okay to be sad, angry, or even numb. However, the most essential part of this lesson is to understand what it is to ‘release’ that loved one and then focus on yourself to heal without interruption. If these moments with yourself become teaching moments, embrace them and move forward.
This Article was Last Updated On: December 31, 2025
I’m stuck again thinking about my dad’s death. In some ways, the time that has passed has only made things harder. There are so many milestones I need input on. The worst part for me I realized the other day is that I only got to know him for about 10 years. Most of them I barely remember. Or were overshadowed by things I’m newly aware of. That’s so minuscule compared to the average lifespan. I wish I could talk to him as an adult. I can’t remember a single serious conversation we had. Or any conversation at all. I imagine it must be a blessing to experience getting to know your parents as another real person. I guess it’s happening with my mom but sometimes I feel like I don’t compare to my other siblings. I’ve always heard my sisters having long conversations with her. A lot of the time I don’t know what to say. It makes me feel like I’m 5 again begging for attention and approval of people decades older than me. I think lately I’m tired of being alone in the sense that I’m not being understood in the way I want to with certain people. I want a better community but my family is very divided. and there are so many things I’ll never know relating to my dad that it makes me angry from time to time. I can’t even ask family or it’ll be awkward, or they’ll start denying things or they just don’t want to hear about that. I used to not believe my mom but why would she still be lying? at this point? I have many pictures of my dad hidden now in my phone. I’m not sure how to look at him anymore. I used to think that he was the best thing in my life other than my best friend. I’d think “Wow, in comparison to a lot of people I’ve got it good, I have a good father figure in my life”. Now, it’s like he died some years ago but I’m still experiencing the death of his character. I hope I’m not the last person he talked to. The last time I talked to him was Christmas night in 2019 and he asked me how I’m doing and said he loved me. But his voice was shaky and I could tell he was trying not to cry. I’ve wondered since then what happened because they found him maybe a week later decomposing in the same pose he always sat in in the living room at home. I shouldn’t have asked for the picture but I still have the one of his face in the morgue and he looks so weird. I can tell it’s him I still see his freckles and grays but it looks like he’s made of wax. The last time I saw him in person was 3 years before he passed. I’m still bitter that my mom didn’t let me see him when he came back to Indiana. I’m bitter I don’t have his ashes which I suspect my mom threw away since they can’t just magically disappear. I’m bitter nobody got any of his belongings from Alabama and my brother never gave me more of the ashes when I asked years ago. I’m bitter he didn’t try to come visit when he was alive. I’m not sure how to release anything relating to him I feel like I would have to repeatedly
Hey Lexi. This is a moving testimony, a testimony that you and I need to revisit sentence by sentence. However, you must grasp the reality of life and death and that every living being must meet that fate. What resonates most with me is that you continually hold on to life’s realities thinking that those matters will change. You cannot unwring a bell to make an outcome better to suit you and your needs. I must remind you that you weren’t responsible for your dad’s demise and not being there for him at such a tender age was not under your control. Beating yourself up cannot be the answer that will vindicate you, but it can be the answer to becoming all you can be like your dad would want for you.
For as long as I can remember there has been discord within your family and being the youngest child you’ve been caught in the middle of a feud you cannot win. I’ve seen envy and jealousy that you may be receiving and others did not, so immediate response to all that you have gone through will take time, and what follows will be your successes. These successes will get you a better job and making the money you need to live on your own. We can go into these matters more deeply once you return. In the meantime, stay focused on the life you’re currently trying to build and if you can do this the outcome will be triumphant. As much as we want it all, that can’t happen!