THE COST OF BEING DIFFERENT
The psychology behind this concept is one of perception, or how you view yourself. Do you ever feel like you don’t fit in any place? Are you embarrassed about how you look? When people treat you differently because you look and act like you don’t belong, you’re buying into the psychological game of others who now control your behavior. If you see yourself as inferior, people will notice and treat you accordingly. In this instance, the truth is simple yet complex: you are trying to cope and be accepted by your peers, but you end up trying too hard. While trying to fit in a world that doesn’t suit you, you’re giving up your independence to think for yourself. If you can pause to reflect on why you don’t fit in, you can determine what’s best for you. You will often find that the places you’re trying to be part of come with the price of selling your soul to the highest bidder.
Consider that differences come with dollars spent or the sacrifice of standing alone and being set apart, which can challenge your self-esteem and question your self-worth. Being different was a chance I often took at the risk of missing social opportunities and being unknown within certain circles because I was never black enough or white enough. I didn’t realize until later how much I missed by not having close friends I engaged with frequently. Still, I needed privacy at the time, even to this day, to accept my challenges, discover who I was, and eventually discover that I was my best company.
Being a solo survivor allowed me to challenge myself and not others. My accomplishments would be even better if I could be at my best. Embracing my independence at every level gave me the confidence to engage others when needed. However, engaging with others is few and far between due to my lack of commonality. Seeing myself as different, at least in my thinking, casts this shadow of arrogance. I’ve been okay with that because trying to explain why I felt that difference would have been counterproductive to my overall goals. When you try to define yourself to others and explain why, that explanation can create self-doubt, quietly convey insecurity, and invite criticism. While others measure your insecurities, they can exploit you for their gain. In this instance, your doubt deepens, and your fearful self-reflection will be tested. However, being different, looking different, or thinking differently can be a plus because you’re seen as someone who exudes confidence and self-reliance, and many people can’t accept that on any level because of their insecurities. People who see you as different from them will try to embarrass you and talk behind your back when, in truth, they want to be you. Those who criticize the most really see your value and your uniqueness. They quietly admire you, the person, and seek alternate means to shut you down.