Handling grief is different from one person to the next. Approaching grief for what it is is quite a difficult task. Since there are no limitations on grieving, each needs to focus more on discovery than loss. Your discovery beckons the call of the lessons learned from your loved one. Your discovery should focus on your motivation to live by becoming the best person you can be. As you follow the stages of grief, that following brings you closer to understanding who you are and what you need to establish your belief system. Accidental death, or death by the hand of someone else, creates a hatred for the person responsible. This occurrence gives cause to act out your hatred by retaliating or attempting to lessen your pain by using drugs or drinking alcohol. Your worst enemy is the introduction to any adverse addiction.
What can help with your loss is to remember what your loved one would want for you. If that person loved you and supported you, they would, in turn, like the best for you. To honor the memory of a loved one means that you should strive to be the best in every way. Instead of focusing on the loss, think more about the good times, the teaching conversations, and the examples they set for you. In all situations, there are steps to follow that can prepare your mind for life events. If you can entertain the idea of preparedness, your struggles to cope with your loss should be the lesson you take away. The model that should be examined contains the following information exactly. When you can read each step, complement the steps with the following methods by asking these questions.
Are you still in shock?
Are you in denial? If so, get in touch with your sense of reality and find someone to work through that with you.
Are you angry? If so, determine why you’re angry and who or what may be responsible.
Are you bargaining? Do you find yourself making deals with the outside world?
Are you depressed, and why are you engaging in this depression?
Finally, your acceptance is at hand, and your healing has begun.
I must say having to endure the lost of my first born son, I was devastated! My whole world crumbled before my eyes. Months of not being able to talk without uncontrollable crying, couldn’t eat, sleep, didn’t want to get of bed or get dressed to go outside. I mentally and physically went through each and every stage of grief. I never experience this type of pain in my life! And as, time went on I woke up one day, looked in the mirror at myself and ultimately was able to see what this pain was doing to me physically, mentally and spiritually. I said to myself, my son would have not wanted this outcome for me! I didn’t look like myself at all, and I could hear my son say, Ma what are you doing? I’m okay! you have my brother and my children to live for, they need you and that’s when I started to pick up the pieces back to my life. I begin spending a lot of time with my grandchildren, which are reflections of my son. I enjoy every moment with them, and family. It’s still hard at times but I thank God for giving me the strength to keep going. I got a long way to go, and I know my son would have wanted me to get myself together and be there for his children and his brother, so here I am taking it one day at a time to heal and reinvent myself to become the best version of me, who I am to be.
I realize you having to process your loss is difficult. However, your sense of reason to determine what your son would expect from you reassures me that you’re thinking subjectively which means there are no indicators of you casting blame on someone else. Continue to get to know yourself from the inside out with all that you do and your life can be easier to navigate. Don’t be afraid to write its great therapy.
The grief I’ve experienced after my dad’s passing is probably worse than it was when he just passed but in a quiet way. As I get older there are so many milestones that I pass without him and it’s heartwrenching. I’ve accepted that he was gone forever a couple of years ago, but I can’t help but wonder what our conversations would have been like today. What advice he would give or even what team he wanted to win at the Superbowl? There’s so many movies that have come out since then that I know he’d love. Honestly it feels like I’ve been stuck in a dream since January 2020. I’m thankful for the memories we made before he left and the few pictures I have though. The last time I saw him was 3 years before he died. I wish I had prioritized talking to him and asking questions about his life. Or been more open. I still remember our last call. It was Christmas night and it sounded like he’d just finished crying. I’m angry sometimes even now about all the time that was wasted when he was alive. I hope the path I end up taking is something that will make him proud, wherever he is.
If nothing else, your active expressions of regret should be a lesson to never allow this to happen again. As sure as we live and die, those who are left behind, are left with so many questions that delivers doubt, mistakes, and speculations. All we can do as the person left behind is to live our lives for the better and not just the moment. I am certain you knew your dad well enough that he would want the best for you and doing the opposite is not what he would have wanted for your life. To recapture good memories is a means to allow us to move on without regrets and avoiding repeated mistakes because mistakes that are repeated, become habits. You were who you were supposed to be at the time of his passing, so don’t blame yourself for not being someone who you weren’t at the time because you didn’t know how to make that happen. All things have their time and place. When the time is right to act responsibly and maturely, that will be the time to make that decision that you missed while he was alive. Lexi, stop being so hard on yourself. Start to see yourself as this special person who requires a sense of higher self-esteem, that manifests into a higher sense of self-worth. You are worthy and you are entitled.
As a person who practices spirituality, I would like to offer a different perspective on grief. Before you came into this world, you were a spiritual being. When you were born you became a physical being and
when you make your transition, you return back to a spiritual being. From this perspective, when a love one transitions and returns to a spiritual being, they are in a place where they are happy, healthy, and at peace. Yes you will miss them however they are pain free as a spiritual being. Is this not what you want for them because what they want for you, is for you to continue to live out your physical life and be happy. For you both know that one day you will see each other again. After all the bible said “that life is eternal.”
I just read this article that is so befitting for me today. I lost someone that was like my twin we did everything together. I am so angry that she was taken from me also she was the best person in the world. I have lost six people that were very special. Yes I am angry, depressed and mad all at the same time but I realized this day that I need help processing all of this. I was strolling through these articles and this one hit home for me.
Adele, this a great start for you. You have admitted that your losses have been too many and unleashing those feelings have never happened until now. It’s now time to tackle these emotions head on to talk and discuss the way to navigate your feelings and place those feelings into process that opens your mind enough to get through all of this emotional chaos. You must continue to REVEAL what you have been CONCEALING in order to arrive at a HEALING that you deserve. None of this is easy which requires your persistence. Handle this with the same vigor that you place on things that you enjoy. Your attention to detail in other matters of the heart will apply here as well. Dig in and discovery who you really are and that will be your absolute beginning. You must see yourself as human, but special. You must see yourself as vulnerable and not exempt to pain, struggle, and challenge. Your are but one individual trying to make life better for everyone. It’s your time!
Take Your Time: There’s no set timeline for grief. It can come in waves, and it’s important to give yourself the space and time you need to process your emotions.
Seek Support: Lean on friends, family, or support groups. Sharing your feelings with others who understand can be incredibly comforting.
It’s Okay to Feel: Grief can bring a whirlwind of emotions—sadness, anger, confusion, even relief. All these feelings are valid and part of the healing process.
Self-Care is Crucial: Taking care of your physical and mental health is essential. This might include eating well, getting enough rest, and engaging in activities that bring you peace.
Remember and Honor: Finding ways to remember and honor the person or thing you’ve lost can be a meaningful part of the grieving process. This could be through rituals, creating a memory book, or simply reflecting on happy memories.
Grief is a journey, and it’s okay to seek help if you need it. You’re not alone in this.
I have so much grief built up I lost four people in a span of five years. I was the caregiver for all four people and it seems that they started dying right after each other. When that happened I never really stopped to think about each person just didn’t have the time. Now I have been thinking about all of them. My problem isn’t acceptance it is I am angry that they are no longer here it seems every thing happened so quickly. Now I am trying to play catch up with my own life, I know each one of them would want me to keep moving so that is what I am trying to do. My aunt used to say “keep it going “ she was 104 when she died!
Adele, as the explanation of grieving becomes multi-faceted other emotions come into play. As you consistently pursue methods to cope with your grief and how the other emotions you identify become part and parcel to your healing, understanding that your loss can only be weathered safely over time. There are many things in life that can never be fixed permanently, but those things can be marginalized in a way that you’re not impacted so severely. Evaluate those other emotions by setting aside some time to assess how these other emotions impact your behavior and begin to reason their impact logically. Logic simply boils down to a systematic assessment of valid reasoning to ensure clarity and not harboring a fate that cannot be changed and only lived through by allowing time to make matters of the heart better.